You, We & I

The words we use reflect out mental states. As coaches, you need to be aware of these usages by your coachee during your coaching sessions.

  •  When the coachee uses "You", he sets up a potential judgment, blame or defensiveness.
  •  When the coachee uses "we", he sometimes does not mean himself and he is referring to others.
  •  When the coachee uses "I" he accepts responsibility for his actions and takes personal ownership.

Example 1: "You"

Coachee:   You know, I always believe that you must not victimize others when you go about achieving your goals  
Coach:   Who are they specifically?  
Coachee:   Some senior people that I know.  
Coach:   How has that affected you in this case?  
Coachee:   Just the other day.....  

Example 2: "We"

Coachee:   We must always be responsible for our actions.  
Coach:   Who should be responsible for his actions?  
Coachee:   All of us  
Coach:   Is there someone that you know of that is not?  
Coachee:   Of course  

Example 3: "I"

Coachee:   I always feel that I am not good enough in this position.  
Coach:   What is it exactly that you are not good enough?  
Coachee:   I am unable to organize my time well.  


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I am always impressed with Wai's ability to be with the client and coach them from where they are. He brings clarity and authenticity to his coaching. He is able to reach the heart of the matter with grace and skill.

Joanne Waldman
M.Ed, PCC, LPC, NCC New Perspective Coaching

Wai has a very professional Coaching Presence. He consistently listens on a deep level-he has a true talent here. He moves his client skillfully to Designing Actions, based on the client's focus. He is very honoring of his clients and asks good follow-up questions.

Sheri Boone
MCC, CL Inspired Mastery